| i am too clingy.
i am going to get hurt.
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| i just want to say that i love you guys.
those of you who care.
those of you who love.
those of you who would go out of their way to talk to me.
you guys are amazing and i dont want to know what i would be like if i didn't have you guys.
Aaron--
wow. i hardly know you, and i seem so close to you.
you help me with my problems and cheer me up when i'm not feeling well.
i'm glad i've gotten to talk to you.
even though it may not have been in person,
it's still nice to know that some people still have hearts out there.
Sarah--
you're just...Sarah. lol
you're cooler than cool and i love you no matter whattt.
i can always be myself around you because i know you're just as weird as i am. =]
you're my one true best friend and i dont know what i'd do if i lost you.
Vianca--
what can i say...
you're my sister.
and a damn good one. period.
&& last but never ever least;;
Josh--
you are just amazing.
i never want this to end.
you make my day, sweetheart.
and i hope you know that.
god, i'm so lucky... |
| |
| i did the worst thing yesterday...
i was in a really bad mood last night and my mom wanted to know what was wrong. then i blew up in her face about how i didnt want to tell her. and she wouldnt let me go to my room until i told her. so i just stared at her while she yelled about my attitude, and i yelled back that i am who i am and i'm not going to change for anybody because i'm sick of trying to impress people with a false personality and if she didn't like it that's too bad. and i told her that since she doesn't like my "attitude" that i've tried to avoid her and not talk to her. and she started rambling about stuff. i didnt catch most of it. i tuned her out. and then she asked me again what was wrong with me. and then i told her again that i didnt want to tell her. she just looked at me...god. she's never looked at me that way. she looked at me with this look of heartbreak...and she told me to go to bed and she had a smoke.
i cried all night.
thinking that i never should have said that. that i just should have told her what was wrong.
later that night, she came in my room and held me and told me that she just now understood that i'm my own person. she told me that she'll try and respect who i am and have more patience with me.
so maybe it came out for the better...
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| i was reevaluating my life last night...
and i know i have it better than other people.
and i know i shouldn't complain.
but sometimes you just want to get away from everything.
i hate being home.
and sometimes i hate waking up in this house.
it isnt really a home to me..
my only home is the house in Huntsville
but now everything is gone.
everything has changed.
the swing in the backyard got rusty and was thrown out.
the trees are all chopped down.
the bed my sister and i used to share was sold.
all the walls are bare and the furniture is gone.
the only thing nice about Madison is that i get to see friends.
[Josh.]
my mother has actually offered for me to live with my dad in Huntsville because she hates the way i "behave" toward her.
but i turned it down because the only thing keeping me sane is the people I love.
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